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What's the Secret

“What’s the secret”

It’s inevitable. You know, the compliments you get after your body shrinks in all the “right” places.

“You look great!” they say with excitement. “What’s your secret?”

Your smile grows with a sense of accomplishment as you proudly answer. But nobody ever thinks about how your bigger body feels about this. Not even you. I mean, why should you? You’re no longer your bigger body. Or are you?

Let’s be real. Just because your bigger body is no longer visible, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still exist. It does. As well as all of the feelings of rejection we attached to it. Is it not just as deserving of the love we show to the socially accepted body size? Is it not just as deserving of the same compliments we get when it’s at the socially desirable size?


I wonder what would happen if instead you stood up for all of your ‘selves’ and all of their many shapes and sizes. I wonder how quickly the social narrative would change if more of us challenged the agenda behind the compliment of having a smaller body.

“Did I not look great before?”

“Was there a problem with the way my body looked before?”

It’s funny how the hard work of changing our bodies from bigger to smaller is celebrated while bigger bodies are working just as hard, if not harder! The assumption that bigger bodies are lazier than smaller bodies is simply false. The correlation is absolutely absurd!!! I’ve seen some lazy ass smaller bodies that don’t do half as much as some of the larger bodies out there. The caveat is that everyone deserves to be as lazy or as active as they want. Laziness is a beautiful luxury we should all enjoy whenever the hell we want to. But it should also be honored equally. Fat bodies are generally shamed far more frequently for allowing themselves to be lazy whereas skinny bodies are not, thus perpetuating the myth that bigger and fatter bodies are lazier than smaller and skinnier bodies. It’s simply not true!

So, the next time you find yourself wanting to compliment a body transformation, be mindful of the messages you are sending to the receiver and everyone else too for that matter. Likewise, next time someone gives you a compliment about your body transforming, be mindful of the messages you are accepting as truth.

So, what’s the secret?

Give and take compliments equally. Your body is deserving of compliments no matter what type of transformation it is going through. Teach yourself and others to love ALL of you. If you don’t, the world will.

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